It is now June and wedding season is in full swing. When trying to explain the eating rituals at weddings, I find a striking wedding-crasherssimilarity between the word ‘wedding’ and the word ‘person’. Let me explain. A person is a problem solving, a free-thinking entity capable of making judgment calls on the spot, all the while being aware of the outcome of those decisions. People, on the other hand, are driven by fear, doubt and ultimately make the wrong decision (but they do it together and therefore they take comfort in knowing their fate is shared). The same can be said about the word wedding.
A wedding is an event which brings much joy to a person. A single day when one can eat cake, drink alcohol and avoid nutritious things such as vegetables, fruits, etc. However, a wedding is only one day and therefore an attendee knows that these behaviors will only be for the day. Now, weddings are a different story altogether. As a group or a season, in this case, weddings resemble the poor judgment of a group of scared onlookers in the wake of a monster attack on the city. So what’s a person to do when their presence is required at multiple weddings in the same season?
Designate The “Cheat” Wedding
This may seem like you are micro-managing your life to pieces, but trust me when I say that if you are attending more than 5 weddings in one season, you’ll thank me for the advice! So how do you choose a “cheat wedding”? It’s simple. Out of all the weddings, you will be going to, chances are you already know who the ostentatious couple is. They may not be as bad as Heidi and Spencer, but you get the picture. The couple who goes all out leaves no stone unturned and will most likely have the best hors d’oeurves and cake. So pick that one!
Not only will you be allowing yourself to cheat to the fullest, you will also show the couple that the effort is appreciated. We all know how that classy boastfulness is contingent on seeing you enjoy every last morsel of the $5,000 cake, only to wash it down with a little Dom!
Be Strong During The Others
Here’s the tough part. For the other weddings, you’ll have to stay strong and avoid splurging on the good stuff at the wedding. I’m not saying you should pack a cooler filled with frozen broccoli and carrots, I’m just saying that you should limit it to the meal itself and one really small piece of cake for dessert. And how can we avoid hurting the bride and groom’s feelings?
You’re gonna love this one. For once, I give you all permission to claim to be on a ‘diet’ in the same way you’d plea the 5th in court! Just say something like, “I’m on the reverse-Metabolic Diet and that’s not on my meal plan”. The key to an outlandish lie is taking it to the next level, seeing as there is no reverse-metabolic diet. It will keep you strong and keep them confused, but understanding nonetheless.
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- Staying On Track With The Help Of A Stopwatch
- Staying On Track When An Overhaul Is Necessary
- Staying On Track With Summer Just Around The Corner
- Staying On Track After You Hit The Dreaded Plateau
- Staying On Track During Serious Training